Waiting for the harvest

Why am I doing this? I thought, sprawled out on the basement floor in my parents house...I had just looked at my financial update and seen the same glaring 39% that I've seen for two weeks.

So far, raising support has had it's ups and downs. Overall, it's been an amazing process. I have received so much love, encouragement and financial support; and no awkwardness, anger or other scary things I'd envisioned. So why the melodramatic desperation this afternoon? Somehow, despite the plethora of phonecalls, tons of appointments and mass mailings, people's responses have only been trickling in. What's the glitch? Am I ever going to have my full support? Am I doing something wrong!? Meanwhile, I lay on the carpet having a pity party (or "sin party", as Varun says). All of the sudden, the name of this blog hit me, "compelled by love". Isn't that just like God to use my own pious words to get my attention. If I'm doing this because it's easy or glamorous, I'm in the wrong profession. If I'm doing this because I truly am driven by love, what can stop me? And what matter if i do get "stopped" or side-tracked or redirected? Well then, what love? Whose love?...God's love for me, God's love for others, my love for God, my love of others. No matter how you slice it, this is about love and it's about God. This actually isn't about Amelia. Hate it when that happens.

I remember this song my mom used to play when I was little. The chorus was, "He may not come when you want Him/But He's right on time". I used to think that was a bit silly and tried to work out with my 8 year old mind how that could make sense. Guess I'm still trying to work it out. I think the point is, God has called me to this, God knows the day I need my funds in, and God will provide in His timing. My job is to sit back, do my part and enjoy the show. (Easier said than done).

"If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. "
2 Corinthians 5:14-15