Give Us This Day

Last night, as I thought about the week that stretched before me, I wanted to hide. Another week without a job. Another week alone for most of my waking hours. I hugged tight to Varun and went to sleep.

Doing my quiet time this morning, I was struck by the phrase, "Give us this day our daily bread". I know that God provides for us not only physically, but spiritually and emotionally as well. As I prayed the Lord's Prayer, I realized that I have been scorning what God has been giving me: days of alone time, weeks during which to pray, read, rest, organize, dream, catch up on skype. In fact, this season is God's best for me!

As I contemplated what my daily bread might be, I asked God to give me a heart to see His provision today, and that I would be given exactly what I need. This is a hard request for me to make, as I know what I want. I want social interaction. God will need to change my heart so I can see the myriad blessings which surround me.

How many ways I am given my daily bread and fail to thank God!!

A New Season

In some ways, this blog is totally representative to me of another season in my life. When I read through old posts, look at the pictures and prayer requests, I almost feel like this blog should be preserved and tucked into a scrapbook entitled, "Campus Ministry".

And yet. When I see the title I myself put on this blog, I can see I'm not going to get off that easy.

Compelled by Love.

Two and a half years ago, I was compelled by God's love to enter into full time ministry. I spent that time raising support, asking for prayer, moving to Vancouver, getting to know students, sharing the Gospel. You've read my struggles, the times I felt insecure or tired. And together we've prayed and rejoiced.

Today, I'm writing this from our new home in Ontario. For reasons I have yet to fully understand, God has called me out of campus ministry and has brought Varun and I out east. And so here we are. Now that I am out of ministry, I can feel my selfishness taking over. It's tempting to think of my time as all mine. To wake up and plan my days as I'd like to. And yet, I know that God has brought us here not only to be blessed, but also to be a blessing.

How? When? Where? To whom?

In all honesty, moving back east has been hard. Unlike my move to Vancouver, I had no job waiting for me here. I had no staff team to welcome me or a Church home eager to meet me. Together, Varun and I dreamed about what our life here would be like. In many ways, our expectations have been dashed. But in other ways, they've been exceeded.

In this new season of my life, this blog will be a place where I'll reflect on and share stories about how we're living our lives for God, or in what ways we're struggling to do so.

God's Pursuit of Y

This an email that one of my teammates received from a young student whom she had met a few years ago. This student, Y, eventually met another student in our club and finally met God. Here's his journey....

"I just want to thank you, although we have met only once, you were part of my long journey to find Him. I remember you
gave me the book by Lee Strobel called the Case for Christ. Back then I was a hard-hearted atheist and I was thirsty for scientific evidence, and you understood my situation! I recently had the courage and strength to revisit the book and went back on my track to learn and love God. One amazing thing that happened for these past couple of weeks is that I have learned to accept Christ with my heart, and I didn’t have the need and urge to seek for any more evidence. The Lee Strobel book is packed with full of evidence approached in a very scientific way in which I thought would be the perfect book for me.

But now, the book is the last thing I need in this world to prove that Jesus and God really exists. I know this because its Gods work itself to even find myself even going to church regularly and be amazed at how true and holy the bible is. I never had imagined I would turn to God for help, but for some reason I did. I had near death experiences on my volunteer trips, change in friends, got myself into fraternities, and all other struggles and forces in life that hit me hard in the heart. This happened all last year, and the last person I would have thought to even consider for help was God. But really, God is all I had at the moment. I think at this point, I started to let go myself and trust my instinct and life to God, and now for some reason all the things I read in the Bible seems very vivid to me...

I know we don’t know each other very well but I consider everyone in the community that helped me my family now, and this includes you... and countless number of people who have prayed hard for me. I know one day another person will come like I did and ask questions about God. I can assure you that down the road, your quick conversation and maybe provide some sort of book or resource for him or her will eventually guide that person to Christ one day, I can vouch for that! Keep up the good work..." -Y, student at SFU

The Yellow Brick Road

Sometimes I really wish I were Dorothy and had a yellow brick road before me. That would certainly make decision making easier! However, I think that that wouldn't require a lot of faith. As of now, God is showing me just a few steps ahead, and to be honest, that's all I really need to know.

Here's what's happening:

-Campus work: We're done on campus! This next week we have intern debrief and a day of prayer. I also had admin and lots of wrapping up to do. I won't be interning again, so I'm headed off into the big wide world.
-Project: This summer, I'll be going on a project to a country in South Asia. For more information, email me!
- Work: I'll be job hunting and hopefully finding work in Vancouver. I've also gotten into Grad school and am hoping to begin in september. My plans are contingent upon Varun's, so please keep praying for a job for him!

Serving God on campus has been quite an adventure, and I'm excited to see where He's calling me to next. As the title of this blog suggests, it's about me being compelled by Him to share his love. So expect more posts and more answered prayers as I move into a new phase of life!

Planning for Next year

Because March and April were so busy, I'm a bit backlogged in blogging....In March, student leaders and staff got together for a day of prayer, celebration and planning for next year. Students shared their steps of faith and ways God had proven faithful to them. It was so neat to see them holding their posters with stories and drawings illustrating how they had seen God move on campus! One student in my group shared that as she prayed for opportunities to share her faith with her friends, they began to ask her questions about her faith. It's pretty neat to see students who in September were shy and searching freshman, to now being willing to step out in faith and give leadership and vision to others as they take risks for God's kingdom.

Year in Review

How do you measure success in ministry? In people you lead to faith? In answered prayers? In hours spent doing evangelism or hours spent on your knees? How do I know if I spent the past two years wasting my time, or not? These are the thoughts that have been bouncing about my head for the past two weeks. As I wrapped up on campus after two years last week, I tried to assign a total value to my work.

Luckily for me, our staff team went to the Sunshine coast for a time of fun, reflection and relaxation. During this time, I was able to share my concerns and insecurities with my teammates. I have a few thoughts and verses that helped me put my time serving God on campus into perspective:

"Unless the Lord builds the house,
those who build it labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city,
the watchman stays awake in vain.
It is in vain that you rise up early
and go late to rest,
eating the bread of anxious toil;
for he gives to his beloved sleep." Psalm 127:1-2

-->This reminds me of 1 Corinthians 13...that we can labor and give and serve but unless it is done through God's strength and in love, it's all a waste.

My teammates also reminded me that God has called us to serve Him faithfully, and to trust Him for the results. My job was to pray for the campus, share the good news, lead girls in loving God and learning and obeying His word, share passion and vision...I'm not responsible for the answered prayers or the changed hearts. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6 While this is a famous proverb, the part that jumps out to me is verse 6, that I am to acknowledge God in all that I do. There were moments on campus these past two years that I was tempted to take the glory from God when things turned out well, and to blame Him when things went differently than I wanted. But I'm told in proverbs to acknowledge God's sovereignty when things are good and bad. What a relief!

As a reflection, our team wrote on sticky notes things that were answers to prayer, discouraging/hard, encouraging, steps of faith and characteristics of God we saw throughout the year. As I read through the sticky notes I saw a year of celebration--with over 30 people putting their faith in Christ (in BC alone!), the hearts of parents changed to let their children serve on summer projects, perseverance in the face of discouragement and fatigue and a deepening knowledge of who God is.

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that Day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing." -2 Timothy 4: 7-8

I know that as my internship ends this summer, I can trust God to bless the work that I did, love the people I neglected or hurt, and to continue to work in my heart and the hearts of others to draw closer to Him. As Paul says, neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but it is God who gives the growth. Join with me in continuing to pray for spiritual growth of students at UBC and SFU this summer!

"What then is Apollos? What is Paul? Servants through whom you believed, as the Lord assigned to each. I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth. He who plants and he who waters are one, and each will receive his wages according to his labor. For we are God's fellow workers." -1 Corinthians 3:5-9

Running the Race

Today on campus, I was very, very tired. The four day weekend seemed to leave me with a serious lack of sleep. I spent the day in a staff meeting, planning, doing admin and dreading my Bible study. I was planning on taking my Bible study girls out to share their faith for the first time, and I knew it would take a lot more energy than I had.

At one point, I plopped my head onto the desk and thought, "I SOO hope they don't show up today". Convicted by such a silly thought--I had prepared them to do evangelism and this is one of the last chances I'll have to take them--I decided to pray about it. I opened up to Philippians 4:13, a verse that got me out of bed each day when I was recovering from mono, years ago.

"I can do all things through him who strengthens me."

I then started reading through Philippians and gathered encouragement from Paul's description of the Gospel and seeing the endurance and perseverance in his life. If God helps me, it's okay if I feel tired.

So, my girls came and Amy and I took them out sharing.

We had an awesome time! Amy and Joanne had a conversation with a girl, K, who said she had never thought about God before! Janice and I met up with R, who grew up in Tehran was questioning/ rejecting Islam and was interested in the Gospel message! Please pray for K and R that the words we spoke would be used by God to lift the veil over their hearts!

As I drove home, I realized that my mood had lifted and I wasn't so tired anymore. It's amazing what trusting in God can do!

What you cannot lose

Last night, Varun, Jessica (new staff at UBC!) and I watched "The End of the Spear" a movie about the five missionaries (Jim Elliot, Nate Saint, and 3 others) who were martyred while attempting to make contact and share the Gospel with a tribe in the Ecuadorian Jungle. (If you haven't seen this movie, watch it!) While the movie followed Nate Saint's son, Stevie, the missionaries were not shown to be without fault.

I have a few thoughts about this movie, but what really struck me was the eternal perspective it lent. In watching the film, I was forced to ask myself, how badly do I want others to know Jesus?!

This clip (www.youtube.com/watch#!v=NRQhwYfXjN4&feature=related) (starting at 2:40) shows Nate saying goodbye to his wife and kids before making first contact with the Waodani. He knew his trip may cost him his life. And yet he tells his adoring son that he is willing to die telling them as the Waodani aren't ready for heaven. This coming from a man who had given up a career and a comfortable life in America to serve God in Ecuador--this man was willing to give more, his life, so that the Waodani might stop killing each other and come to know God.

In the end, the reconciliation and the healing of the tribe is a beautiful testimony to the power of the Gospel. Jim Elliot's famous quote rings true in the life of Nate, Jim and the others, "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose". The challenge for me, in walking away from this inspiring story, is:

What am I not willing to lose?

"If Jesus Christ be God and died for me, then no sacrifice can be too great for me to make for Him" -C. T. Studd

Taking the Gospel to the workplace!

Here's an account by one UBC student about how God has used her in her teaching practicum....

"As you might recall, I have begun my long practicum on Feb 1st, 2010... I was amazed about the importance of influencing the education sphere, especially as I pray and ask God to send out laborers into this field. This program has sharpened my spiritual eyes to see the realness of the spiritual warfare raging in this domain, especially as values and the truth are distorted in the name of "embracing diversity." Recently, the teachers of VSB (Vancouver School Board) and representatives of the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual) movement have started pushing forth this movement to shape the BC curriculum. How important is prayer as we stand up and fight for our next generation! (As you might be aware, teachers are not permitted to impose any religious values in the school--you cannot openly share the gospel.)

Keeping this in mind and continually asking the Holy Spirit to use me, I was amazed at certain moments during the practicum. One short story: I have been praying for my sponsor teacher since the start of the short practicum in Oct 2009. She knew I was a Christian. During one of our conversations, she suddenly turned to me and asked, "Why are we here? What are we doing here?" (I was taken aback by the sincerity and abruptness of the question.) Then, my sponsor teacher told me that her friend's baby and the mother recently died in a plane crash... Soon, this conversation turned spiritual while the class was in session!!! (She was speaking to me in private. She briefly told me she's thinking more about death and heaven. She's really afraid of death now...)

Fast forward a few months later...in the second week of the extended practicum, I was alone with my sponsor teacher again. It was after school. We were talking, and suddenly she began to share about her asthma problem. What happened next was simply the spirit of God working in our midst. I was so surprised. As a Christ-ambassador, I need to clarify something with her: "I understand the school policy stipulates we are not permitted to openly discuss spirituality in the school. Isn't this correct?"

"Oh yes, that's right. You cannot speak speak about your religion to the students, but it's fine now. There are no students. You can tell me. I'm really interested.."

'What did she just say??!!' I thought to myself. WOW! God, you are Amazing! So, this conversation turned spiritual...I got to share my personal testimony with her, and a bit about Jesus' love...So, yes, this is just a simple story that I wanted to share with you! I hope you are encouraged! God is the God of the impossible! He makes all things work in His timing. There were moments, where I found myself paraphrasing the Scripture and sharing Biblical allusions to a student. Again, those moments were amazing and inspiring!

I hope you are encouraged because winter conference 2010 at the Hyatt really inspired me to apply the transferable skills of the gospel to the marketplace! "

Searching for meaning and finding God in Victoria

Over spring break a group of about 18 students and staff headed out to Vancouver Island to do a week long missions trip to the University of Victoria. During this time they did evangelism on campus, hosted conversations about destiny and purpose in life and grew together in prayer and community. On wednesday, my staff team and I headed over to Victoria to join the team in a day of outreach.

While there, I had a great conversation with a guy who told me about his struggles with faith and sexuality. Raised a Catholic, he came to believe in his teens that he was gay and upon coming out faced rejection and turned to drugs. After hitting rock bottom he turned back to God and has found love, forgiveness and acceptance in his Catholic Church. While he still has lots of lifestyle and heart changes in his journey (as we all do!), it was really exciting to hear about the healing he has found in a relationship with Jesus and the beautiful community he has found.

I had another conversation with a student who had just returned from a medical trip to a country in Ecuador. She was searching for meaning and order in the chaos and poverty she had witnessed. As my partner and I chatted with her, we longed for an opportunity to share with her the great news of our suffering Savior. She was not, however, eager to hear about God. Please pray for students at Victoria that God would lift the veil on their hearts and allow them to see the truth of who He is.